Professor Einstein

Visiting Scholar
Speaks @ The Shelter
480 West Tennessee Street
Tallahassee FL 32301
850)224-8448

Type 1 Spacecraft

Are You A Lower Life Form?

No Money No Status
Professor Is It True All
Homeless Came From Mars?
Ya dat is right. We figure that about 10-12,000 years ago after the last ice age they migrated to earth from Mars probally due to domestic, financial problems, and slow economy caused by sending better paying jobs to Jupiter. They look almost human so they fit in fairly easily.

Type 1 Alien

Super Human Strengt


Is there A Martian

Hiding In Your Neighborhood?

Slight Greenish Color

Hygiene Problems

Is It Fairly Easy To Spot
Homeless or Martians?

Ya if you know what to look for they do tend to stick out and are somewhat different than humans being somewhat more vocal than others; having superhuman strength; can be easily identified by secret government publications; and having a slight greenish color which probally comes from not bathing often enough.



No Problems Please!


Professor Do Maritans Have Problems With
Substance Abuse, Mental Health, or Other Issues?

Nine-absolutely not! We never tell anyone who can vaporize the entire planet they have a problem. See we take some brasso like das and polish the nice transuranic metals and say good Martian-they we walk them down to Mental Health for some software adjustments; Detox for some R & R and nobody gets vaporized.



Type 1 Alien

Scientific Chart

No More Work For

Social Workers?

Professor Can Modern Medical Science Convert
Martians Into Human Beings?

Ya after years of research trying one thing and another we discovered that a special gene therapy could convert about 80% of the Martians or homeless into human beings. We simple give them a job paying $50K a year and they switch right over becoming just like you and me. We also found they make excellent professional assassins or quality control experts. You see da Ray Gun on the chart up there. Turn a few loose in the welfare office; among social workers; or bureaucrats and they clean the place out in no time. The program pays for itself by saving a small fortune in public spending on welfare; social work; mental health specialist; and when Ray Guns are used we don't even have to repaint the offices.


Quote Associated Press

What Is The Bush Administration Doing About
The 2 Million Unemployied Martians From Planet NAFTA?


By LEIGH STROPE, AP Labor Writer 1-28-2004 WASHINGTON - Nearly 2 million people are expected to exhaust their state unemployment benefits in the first half of the year without access to more government aid or a regular paycheck, according to a study released Thursday. The Center for Budget and Policy Priorities based its study on Labor Department (news - web sites) data of jobless workers who began receiving regular unemployment benefits in the last half of 2003. It assumes the economy will improve slightly in the coming months, making it modestly easier to find a job.

"In no other January-June period on record have so many unemployed workers exhausted their regular benefits without qualifying for additional weeks of unemployment assistance," said the study by the Washington-based advocacy group for poor and moderate-income people.

Congress has refused to approve another extension of federal unemployment benefits for people who exhaust their state aid. The economy is improving, and layoffs have eased. But jobs still are hard to come by. Although the nation's unemployment rate fell to 5.7 percent in December, businesses added only 1,000 new jobs.

Republicans who control Congress say a third extension of the program providing 13 weeks of emergency benefits isn't necessary with unemployment declining. But Democrats hope to force an about-face on the issue in an election year. The economy has lost 2.3 million jobs since President Bush (news - web sites) took office in January 2001. According to the study, about 375,000 people will use up their state unemployment benefits this month without access to extra aid — the largest on record, even after adjusting for growth in the work force. Most states provide about 26 weeks of benefits. Another extension of the emergency benefits would cost the government under $1 billion a month from the unemployment insurance trust fund, which contains about $20 billion, the center said.


Quote Associated Press

"Aliens check in but
they don't check out"