Garage Door Left Open
The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open..
His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage
door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his
assistant's question about his 'garage door.'He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'
She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires..
The Elderly-Can't Hear?
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years.. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have
him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect...
Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.' The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
Two Elderly Gentleman On A Bench
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns
to the other and says: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains.. I know you're
about my age. How do you feel?' Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'
Hospital Regulations
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a
student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at
his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. 'I don't know,' he said. 'She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.'
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Get Me Some Ice Creme
Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them
that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?' 'Sure..' 'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.' 'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.' 'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs..
She stares at the plate for a moment.'Where's my toast ?'
Getting Married at 80
A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: 'So I hear you're getting married?' 'Yep!'
'Do I know her?' 'Nope!' 'This woman, is she good looking?' 'Not really.' 'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.' 'Does she have lots of money?' 'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?' 'I don't know.' 'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'
Crushed Nuts
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool..
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
How To Keep Your Medical Benefits
Are you upset because of cut backs or changes in your health care? Buy a guy and 4 bullets. Shoot 2
Senators and 2 Congressmen the then give up. You will go to prison however they will provide you the
best medical attention money can provide. Damm isn't this a wonderful country?
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An Elderly Couple At Rose Dinner
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and
went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last night we went out to a new
restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it very highly.'The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is
the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mean a rose?'
'Yes, that's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that
restaurant we went to last night?'
Which Rooster Comes and Which Rooster Goes?
The farmer is having some problems with his new roosters not working out and has to buy another one
The new rooster walks up to the old rooster and explains-hey old man you are used and washed up and need
to find another place
The old rooster explains I can still do my stuff sonny and instead of my leaving why don't we have a contest winner stays?
The old rooster explains we will run around the barn yard fence and up past the house and the winner will stay and the looser will go
The new rooster says you can have a 3 yard head start
The roosters start running and quickly make the first turn with the old rooster in the lead
Going into the 2nd turn around the barnyard fence the new rooster is gaining ground and closing the gap
As the roosters begin the last leg towards the house the farmer is sitting on the poarch in his rocking chair taking in
the entire scene.
As the roosters pass the front poarch the farmer jumps up and empties his 12 gague shot gun into the new rooster leaving nothing
but feathers and dust.
The farmer says damm that is the 3rd gay rooster I have bought this month
The Moral of the story is that old and sneak will prevail over youth and enthusiasm
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